"Why don't my neighbors acknowledge the cause of their lesbian daughter's death?"

I happen to know that our neighbor’s gay daughter died after a long bout with cancer, but the family hasn’t acknowledged the cause of death. Why not?

It’s the next of kin’s decision as to whether to reveal the cause of death, be it in a death notice or in response to the question “What happened?” Some choose to address it directly by including it in the obituary. Others opt to stay mum, often because there’s something sensitive about it, such as a death from drunk driving or suicide. That’s their right, although what’s “embarrassing” for one person is quite worth discussing for another. (Nevertheless, in this day and age, it’s hard to keep information like that private, which is obviously true in your case since you already know.)

If a family makes such a decision, however, it’s helpful for them to come up with an honest response to the “what happened” question. Being honest doesn’t mean telling all, however. They could say, for instance, “She died way too young” or “She fought so hard and we miss her terribly.” And leave it at that.