"My sister listens to her girlfriend's advice instead of mine."

My lesbian sister is fighting cancer and trying to decide what kind of treatments are right for her. I feel very cut off from this process because she takes her longtime girlfriend’s advice more seriously than mine. I’m her older brother and used to being leaned on. Don't I have the right to ask my sister to listen to me instead?

It sounds like you’re feeling left out at an important time in your sister’s life. But since your sister has been with her girlfriend for a long time, she probably considers her to be a partner or spouse, so it’s a good idea if you try to think of her that way as well. Even the federal government is beginning to catch up in the area of respecting LGBT partnerships on medical matters. There’s now an executive order requiring hospitals and doctors to recognize LGBT partners’ hospital visitation rights. Therefore, don’t fight the wrong fight. As a brother, there are many other ways you can help your sister. That includes trying to support her relationship and the couple’s decisions, especially if they’re getting flack from other family members. Or just being there as the caring brother it sounds like you are. Or even recognizing that your sister’s partner—as a caregiver—could likely use a shoulder to lean on, if not some extra hands around the house.