"Asking our son if he practices safe sex"

Since we’re worried parents, can we ask our son if he and his boyfriend (they’re both twenty-one) are having safe sex? We want to make sure we’re not shirking our parental responsibilities, but we also want to respect his privacy.

It may sometimes seem in this Twitter-mad world that privacy doesn’t matter anymore, but what consenting adults do in their bedrooms is still their own business—even when it’s your own kid. In this case, I’d suggest you err on the side of privacy.

Still, parents are parents, and it may be impossible for you not to worry, which I understand. If you think your son has somehow missed the barrage of safe-sex information disseminated in bars and clubs and via the Internet, then strike up a conversation about HIV that’s not personal. Try bringing up the rising rates of HIV infection or the paucity of government funding for treatment as a means to open this door with your son. With any luck, he’ll realize your concerns and assuage those fears (my own mother brought the subject up in such a manner years ago, and she was relieved to hear me say I practiced safe sex). But that’s really as far as you can go without overstepping.

Caveat: If you had told me your son was a teenager, I would have answered, “Go ahead, ask away.” When it comes to younger LGBT people (anyone under eighteen), I do want to emphasize that it is well within a parent’s rights to talk about safer sex; indeed, it’s your duty.