Gay parents, and their kids in the classroom

I teach fifth grade, and every fall we study genealogy and create what are called “family trees.” I have a new student this year who has two moms, and I think he’s adopted. How do I handle this topic appropriately in class?

First of all, kudos to you for being sensitive to this subject—the family tree project can be a tough one for adopted children — actually for anyone whose roots don’t match the classic format, whether that means kids with two LGBT parents; single parents of any kind; or grandparents and any other adults serving as their guardians.

There are lots of options for tweaking this lesson, some quite creative, not to mention educational. Some nontraditional families draw their family trees as bushes, with a tangle of parents, birth families, and sperm or egg donors. Others approach this as a more traditional exploration of genealogy, showing the lineage of the two dads or two moms, begetting the student. Still others add a second tree trunk for the birth family.

The wisest approach is to discuss the lesson with the child’s parents in advance so you can develop a plan as partners. In fact, don’t be surprised if the dads approach you directly about how the larger topic of how their sexuality may affect their child at school. No doubt, they’re worried about potential name-calling or bullying. As for the family tree lesson, this topic has likely come up for them already, so they may have some good ideas on how to handle it smoothly. Let the parents know that you respect their family structure and want to honor it in a way that instills pride in their child — which is, after all, the whole point of the lesson.

Finally, when it comes time to start the project, do your best to explain to the whole class that families come in all different shapes and sizes, even presenting some varied examples that include gay families and others. And then see where your new student takes the exercise himself, with your guidance if necessary.