"We can't agree where to spend the holidays."

My partner wants to spend time with his family over the holidays, and I want to spend time with our friends. Neither of us is willing to give in. How do we figure this out?

For starters, be grateful that you have a loving partner and good friends. I also hope you both appreciate how lucky you are to have extended family that is so welcoming. Ideally, this embarrassment of riches would make things easier when it comes to making holiday plans, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Since I’m not a therapist, I can’t get into your heads, but I can affirm that disputes about the holidays are common among couples judging from my e-mail inbox.

Still, I do have a few suggestions to offer. First of all, who says couples have to be together every holiday? Many LGBT couples spend them apart. A gay couple I know who have been together for ten years now have actually never spent Christmas together; they simply make sure to celebrate the holiday either before or on New Year’s.

Others play the game of trading off: Hanukkah or Christmas this year at his family’s, and next year with your friends. Or perhaps there’s another solution, especially if you can’t agree on his way or yours. How about finding something you both want to do? Hawaii? Stay home? Start your own family traditions and invite others to join you?

Finally, plan ahead: It’s better to start having this conversation early in the fall, so that you have time to figure things out.