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"I want to break up by email."

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months. He told me that he and his ex-partner broke up before we met, but I just found out that they’re still seeing each other. I’m really disappointed, but I’m not sure I could say everything I want to his face without getting really upset. Is it okay to break up with him in an e-mail?

No matter how much of a jerk or liar he may be, you owe it to him and to yourself to actually have a breakup conversation, whether in person or by phone. Sure, it seems easier just to dash off a well-crafted e-mail or a snippy text, and yes, it may be easier. (Indeed, breaking up by text, IM, or even with a relationship “status update” on Facebook is more and more prevalent; one recent study found that one in seven of us has been dumped electronically.)

But the truth is that getting the last word is not as important as trying to better understand what happened. The point of a face-to-face breakup is to help you both find closure.

The only exception to this rule is if your relationship had been so casual, that is, no strings attached, and your main nonsexual communications were via text or e-mail. Then I would say go ahead and stay true to the medium. But this doesn’t apply to your situation. Sorry.

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