Desperately Seeking Sex Online

I need a bit of advice on my sex life. I'm 24 and my main goal at the moment is to have fun and sleep around. I'm not bad looking but I'm no model. Here’s the problem: Ever since I came out eight years ago, I feel like an oddball on the scene as I don't know how to approach guys with the intention of it leading to sex. My friends say I look very sweet and innocent and they think it can put guys off. I am on Gaydar and other sex websites that are only about hooking up, but I struggle about what to write and most of the messages I send go unanswered, or worse, I get a “no.” I'd really like to hear what you've got to say.

Man, I really feel for you, especially since you’re reminding me of what dating and hookups were like for me when I first started playing around. Before I give you any advice, let me just say two things. First off, it’s great that you know what you’re looking for—in this case, sex. Less risk of wasting other people’s time, let alone your own. Second, if some guys aren’t turned on to you because you’re “sweet and innocent,” believe me there are going to be many more who just love those qualities in you.

To get to the nitty gritty, I think there are some other things you’re likely overlooking. Hooking up online is all about first impressions and that’s why you need to pay such close attention to your screen name, profile, and photos that you post (and you must post pix). When it comes to a screen name, be explicit: BangUBud, SexyStoner, and Jeff11X7 put it on the line. For you, I might suggest: NastynNice – or some other handle that suggests there’s more to you than meets the eye. Then, you also need to be clear in your profile about what you want.

Here are some highly specific ones I found online: “I'm most attracted to younger, masculine bottoms.” “Definitely not a vanilla type of guy” or “Poz seeks same.” One of the great advantages of hooking up online is the ability to put out there what you want—and, often, get it.

Next: Your photos. Sometimes I visit sex pickup sites and I see a handsome guy but he looks like he just came from work. You need to show some skin! Or he’s a perfect ectomorph and has unwisely chosen BigMuscle.com as his hookup site. Choose a site that’s going to work for who you are and who you’re seeking. Last point: You need to be explicit in your photos although it’s your choice whether that extends to full-frontal nudity; remember what you put up online stays online—potentially forever.

Finally: Bear in mind that many—if not most—guys don’t get responses back. Don’t take it to heart; it’s simply the way of the Internet.