Can a gay or lesbian couple kiss in public?

Can a gay or lesbian couple kiss in public? On the cheek or on the lips? How about holding hands?

Ah, the PDA question. Here’s a real-life story: “My lover Mary and I had been visiting my family for the holidays, along with my brother, sister, and their spouses,” e-mailed Vicki. “Like my siblings, we held hands from time to time and even kissed each other warmly- but certainly not open-mouthed! Late in the day, my mother took me aside and said sternly, ‘There’ll be no touching in this house.’ I asked, ‘Does that apply only to Mary and me or to everyone, including the family heterosexuals?’ That stymied her.”

Of course it did! Because LGBT people are hoping for (no, asking for) equal treatment—but certainly not special treatment. I actually agree with Emily Post—for a change—when she writes: “Public hand-holding and starry-eyed gazes are charming to most people; grabbing and groping are not.” Basically, how, where, and when LGBT people show affection publicly should be the same as for straight folks. However, acceptable behaviors (whether straight or gay) do differ when you’re in a nightclub, bar or movie theater versus a church, classroom, or a family dinner.

But I’ve certainly seen two straight people holding hands and stroking each other’s faces at a bar, with nary a raised eyebrow from anyone else, only to see two gay men do the same and people freak. Look what happened to a gay couple holding hands in public in Salt Lake City. According to the local LGBT newspaper: “The pair crossed the Main Street Plaza, which belongs to the [Mormon] church... holding hands as they walked home from a concert. The couple was cuffed and detained when they protested against requests by the guards that they leave. Guards told them public displays of affection are not allowed on the plaza.” According to one of the guys, “They targeted us. We weren’t doing anything inappropriate or illegal, or anything most people would consider inappropriate for any other couple.”

That’s the problem, and the solution is to keep on keeping on.

But two caveats: No matter what the “rules,” if you ever feel as though any public display may result in physical harm, refrain and leave the scene. Second, some members of the LGBT community have relied on over-the-top public displays, such as mass “kiss-ins” as a legitimate means of political theater or free speech. Right on! Just be sure to consider your safety.