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QUEERIES

For starters, be grateful that you have a loving BF, who — it seems — has a loving family. That’s not true by a long shot for every LGBT person (as the holidays make us all the more aware). And, of course, be thankful for your own set of friends. I understand your puzzlement about his “just friends” remark, as though they are second-class citizenry. For many lesbians and gay men, friends are as much family or more as the people we share our DNA with. So, what to do?

• First of all, who says couples have to be together every holiday? Many LGBT couples spend them apart. A gay couple I know has actually never spent Christmas Day together (and that’s after ten years), but they make sure to celebrate the holiday either before or on New Year’s.

• Think about trading off. Christmas this year at his folks, for instance, and next year with your friends.

• Plan ahead: It’s already December. Better to start having this conversation earlier in the fall so that you won’t feel like you have a gun to your heads. Give yourselves the gift of time to figure things out.

• Bottom line: Create the plans that work for you and your partner, which you may in fact decide involve neither his family nor your friends. How does Hawaii sound – or, more practically, a nearby B&B.

 

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