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New lesbian on the job?
I think the new copy editor at my newspaper is a lesbian and she sure knows I am (everybody does). She hasn’t actually said anything, though, and doesn’t show up for our company’s LGBT events. Is it OK if I just ask? Since I’m gay too, I figured it’s not so invasive—or is it? She’s really cute, by the way!
Did it occur to you that she might not be rushing to come out to you because she can tell you think she’s “cute”? Some people have a really bad reaction to flirtation at work. There are, of course, a million other possible explanations for her not being upfront about it—if indeed she is gay. Maybe she’s the private type. Maybe she’s had bad experiences in the past with coworkers knowing her business. Maybe she’s not even sure she’s a lesbian herself.

In any case, no, don’t ask. Especially in a workplace situation, it’s better to let things unfold organically. Not only is her sexuality technically none of your business and not related to your work, asking the question directly could end up alienating someone you may need to work with or otherwise benefit from as an ally—no matter whether she ends up being straight, gay, or bi.


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