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STRAIGHT TALK

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As hard as it is for one partner in a relationship to come out to the other as gay or bisexual, receiving this news can be awful too. Even if your spouse gave a lot of thought beforehand about your coming out conversation (and even if you already had some suspicions), the announcement likely caught you off guard.

If you’re angry, my advice to you is to go ahead and let it out. Your spouse may insist you “Don’t cry,” or “Don’t be angry,” but bottling up your feelings now is a bad idea. On the other hand, after an initial conversation, consider taking a break from each other so that you can both mull over what’s happening. You may want time alone or to reach out for the support of a friend or family member at this point.

You didn’t mention children, but if there are any involved, this is a good time to make sure they’re comforted as well.

Next up, you’ll likely have some questions for your spouse, along the lines of: “Do you want to stay married?” Or: “Do you want to get a divorce?” Or: “Do you want to tell other family members? (“and what do you want to tell them?”) Be sure not to cede your own power and authority in making these decisions: Ask yourself what’s best for you.

Finally, consider contacting your local PFLAG chapter or the Straight Spouse Network (straightspouse.org), which provides support and information to folks in your precise situation. This unfortunately being a well-trod path, there is a wealth of advice to take advantage of, not to mention the possibility of meeting others like yourself who have gone through this nightmare already and eventually put it behind them.

 

COPYRIGHT 2010 STEVEN PETROW.   ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.