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STRAIGHT TALK

While probably well meaning, these kinds of questions can be annoying and often indicate a lack of understanding and sensitivity. Frankly, they’re also an invasion of a family’s privacy. Although millions of gay and lesbian households with kids now exist, this phenomenon is still, well, a phenomenon and by that I mean something new and remarkable. Because our straight friends, coworkers, and family members understand that same-sex couples cannot biologically reproduce (without the use of 21st-century technologies), they’re puzzled and even curious about our progeny. Understand that to start.

So, what to say? Whose children are they? “They are ours.” You are the child’s parent (or one of them). Where did they come from? “They come from the same place all children come from.” And then smile. If you still find yourself pressed, feel free to invoke your zone of privacy and say simply, “That’s really a family matter, but thank you for caring.”

In the case of adoption, it’s also important to use the right language. Your son (or daughter) was born to his (or her) “birth mother” or “biological parents” – not “natural” or “real” parents. Even if, in fact, you did adopt the child, you should say plainly, “I’m his parent by adoption” rather than “adoptive parent,” which sounds like a qualified or second-rate kind of mom or dad.

Finally, remember not to share too much information about your little one. Alas, not everyone (straight or gay) is as interested in your kid as you are.

 

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