HOME        MEET STEVEN         THE WELL-MANNERED BLOG         QUEERIES         BOOKS        GIVING BACK        MEDIA ROOM        RESOURCES      

The most important thing is to get the exact spelling of names and the correct address – as with any invitation. Then you can move on to each addressee’s title and other details. You’re not the only one who finds that part just as challenging, however. With so many LGBT couples formalizing their relationships, whether through marriage or other ceremony or simply by cohabitation, there is ever greater confusion about how same-sex couples should be addressed. Certainly the traditional heterosexual model of listing the man first doesn’t apply (although plenty of straight couples eschew that by now as well).

Allow the following tips to be your guide, but remember that it’s up to you to assess the degree of formality in your particular situation.

If it’s an informal party, such as yours, follow this example. If formal, add the prefix “Mr.” to each name.

Jayson Klein and Roberto Shiver
[etc.]

• Note that when LGBT couples are legally married or formally committed such as through a domestic partnership or a civil union ceremony, their names should be placed on the same line and joined by the word “and.” The same holds true for gay couples that can’t legally partner, but are otherwise committed.

• If both members of the couple share the same last name, traditional etiquette experts recommend reverting to the French. For instance, Miss Manners points out that the plural of “Mrs.” is “Mesdames” and that for “Mr.” it’s “Messieurs.” But this approach seems a bit too snooty; I’ve certainly never known a lesbian couple to refer to themselves as “Mesdames.”  Instead, I recommend:

Formal: Ms. Christina Seehusen and Ms. Susan Seehusen

Less formal: Christina and Susan Seehusen

And finally, if two boyfriends or two girlfriends live separately, send them their own invitations – just as you would for your straight friends in that same situation. By the way, I think it’s great that you’re sending real, paper invitations. It's a really nice touch to get one in the mail.