HOME        MEET STEVEN         THE WELL-MANNERED BLOG         QUEERIES         BOOKS        GIVING BACK        MEDIA ROOM        RESOURCES      

STRAIGHT TALK

Yes! This can absolutely be saved. And the only way to do it is to talk about it. Traditionally, manners books (and their experts) have stayed clear of bedroom etiquette, but that’s their squeamishness. First off, bad sex need not be the kiss of death for your relationship. So, don’t be afraid to tell your trick, date, or partner what you like or don’t like in bed even though doing this may be new for you. A very effective model for making suggestions is the “good, change, good” strategy. Start off by describing something you enjoy, such as: “I really like it when you kiss me here.” Follow up with something you would like to change: “But it kind of hurts when you bite me there.” Finally, end with another good statement: “When you lick me here, though, it feels fantastic.” Sometimes these kinds of questions are better held outside of the bedroom and outside of the heat of the moment.

With a new sexual partner, the best way to approach this topic is to ask: “What can I do to make you feel good?” which, hopefully, is reciprocated with the same question. Take the time to listen, discuss and—take chances. And remember, first encounters are often fraught with problems just like these because you haven’t yet mastered how to talk with each other about things … like sex. For many couples, sex improves over time, with more trust and deeper communication. If, however, after a handful of dates or encounters you still have no chemistry, then it’s likely time to move on.

 

CONTACT     |     TERMS OF SERVICE     |     PRIVACY POLICY     |     MEDIA ROOM    |     SITE CREDITS


FOLLOW STEVEN PETROW'S GAY & LESBIAN MANNERS ON        FACEBOOK       TWITTER