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STRAIGHT TALK

To be or not to be out, that is yet again the question. Although one of the basic premises of good manners is to make people feel comfortable, don’t let etiquette be marshaled into an argument for keeping you in the closet. Displaying your boyfriend’s photo is a good way to come out (at least partially) without shouting the dreaded, “Hey, I am gay!” Other ways include referring to a girlfriend or a same-sex spouse in casual conversation (“My wife is home with our kids …”), making charitable contributions to an LGBT rights group and then asking your company to match, or attending the office holiday party with your partner. In your case, answering the dreaded brother question might be just the thing: “No, that’s my boyfriend,” you could say. “We’ve been together five years.”

Before you come out at work, however, be sure you understand whether your company has nondiscrimination protections based on sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression, as well as whether there are local or state laws that afford protection. Most states have no such protections, and you certainly don’t want to be fired. Final note: Pay attention to what’s happening with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in Congress; this federal act would prohibit discrimination against employees (except in religious organizations) on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability.

 

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